Can’t bat, Can’t bowl and Can’t field

No, it’s not Phil Tufnell – it’s the Australian cricket team.  But I do an injustice to the Englishmen.  It’s not that Australia are totally hopeless.  Not totally.  Credit where credit is due.  England are simply a superior team in all respects.  They have brought better players and they are better prepared.

I’m sure we are all aware but I must record the details for posterity.  The details that in just one and a half tests, Cook has scored 438 runs for once out.  In their last two innings, or partially completed innings, England have scored 834 runs at the paltry cost of 3 wickets.  During that time, Australia has dropped six catches.

Australia cannot get the basics right.  In the first 3 overs of Australia’s innings, England held two slips catches and effected a run out – a direct hit from side on.  Quite early in the England innings, Australia squandered an almost identical run out opportunity.  And not long after, Hussey grassed a hot but regulation gully chance.  In fairness to Doherty, you would expect even an international cricketer to hit the target no more than one in five from side on, and he did have to run around onto his left hand, but his effort was wild and rushed.  By comparison, Trott steadied himself and hit the base of the middle peg, on the full.

And that Watson was even offering a run out opportunity in the first over of a Test match says something.

Australia is making basic mistakes.  That indicates not handling pressure, lack of confidence and a deficiency in leadership and preparation.  The sooner that get rid of that idiot, Tim Nielsen and bring back Bobby Simpson, the better for Australia.

Meanwhile, I expect England to rack up at least 600.  Perhaps Australia can regroup and hold on for a draw.  The pitch is easy.  But it would seem only a matter of time in this series before they crack.  We saw the axe fall on the bowlers after the first Test.  It’s early yet but I will be interested to see if the batsmen a treated similarly, should it come to that.

The Barmy Army is in heaven. “Where do we come from…”

B-b-bloody beauty – one for 500

The second Test has ended in a draw, as many thought it must, given the limits of time.  If there was one more day, or unlimited days, surely England would have won.  They could have set Australia 400, 500, 600 or even 1,000 runs to win.  How knows?

After a euphoric third day, the Australians went from heroes to zeros.  That England did not roll over should have surprised few.   That Australia could manage just one wicket while conceding more than 500 runs was unthinkable.  The kids on the chocolate milk drink could have done better.  It does take some effort to get your mind around it.  Never before has a Test scoreboard seen a score of one for five hundred.  The final declared score of 1/517 (or call it 517/1, five hundred and seventeen runs at the cost of one wicket or whatever you like) is a hiding like no other handed out in the history of the game.

It has to be said that Australia did not have the right of reply and they experienced no real scares in reaching 1/107 in quick time.  However, who cares come many runs your batsmen can score if the bowlers don’t have a hope of taking 20 wickets in a match?

Perhaps this was a match of two pitches.  Up until half way through day 2, with Australia at 5/143, there had been 403 runs for 15 wickets.  That is an average of 26.87 runs per wicket.  Thereafter, the remaining five recognised batsmen all made centuries, and big ones.  A further 962 runs were scored for the loss of just seven wickets at an average of 137.42.  And two triple century stands went into the record books.

The suffering of the bowlers was not limited to Australians.  However, England has taken the points.  It is hard to find words that adequately describe just what a terrible bowling (and fielding, and captaincy) performance is behind 1/517.  If Johnson plays in Adelaide, the selectors need sacking.  He is a liability that simply cannot be carried, especially given that a bowler of the calibre of Doug Bollinger is on the side line.

Late to press: Bollinger and Harris are both in the squad for Adelaide.  Bollinger has just knocked over Sean Marsh in the Shield match in Perth and has figures of 3/32.  Harris recently took 4/41 and 2/27 against Victoria.  No other changes.  Clarke retains his place.  For now.