Here is a scoop. There are unofficial reports that Hughes has been dropped for Watson.

http://www.foxsports.com.au/story/0,8659,25856534-23212,00.html

I’ve been wondering with all the fuss about Johnson, whether Watson might fly under the radar. I’ve even had some fun penning a piece in advance. So here it is, even if “the source” is incorrect.

It’s official: WAGS (Wives and Girlfriends) are the tour selectors. Some of you might think that it is Jamie Cox, Ricky and Pup in charge. But obviously it is Rianna Ponting, Lara Bingle and Mrs Johnson who are calling the shots. Only a bunch of girls who know nothing about cricket could be making this decision.

Watson, ready to make a comeback, was interviewed a few days ago. When asked about bowling he said something like, “I think 15 overs would be about right”. Oh please. Not only is Watson a walk up starter, he gets to dictate how much bowling he will do. Now get this: Edgbaston is a quagmire and the groundsman says 25 overs will seem like 35 overs and guys like Freddie will really struggle. Perhaps Watson is not on his mind, and he didn’t mention him but using the groundsman’s maths and Watson’s own work rate guidelines, Watson would only be able to bowl 10.4 overs (before limping off).

I wonder will the selectors see themselves going into the Test with Keith Miller and end up with the reality of Mark Ealham (look him up on Cricinfo – I regard him as the benchmark for ordinary all rounders). They will go to bed with Gilda and wake up with Rita Hayworth. They will go to bed with Keith Miller and wake up with Mark Ealham. I think that works in both the cricketing and the literal sense! If you think I’ve finally lost it, watch Notting Hill (Polygram, 1999).

Imagine the selectors (whoever they are) watching Watson twice smash a third rate County attack and collect a few handy wickets. They sit there, enchanted, enraptured humming to themselves Robert Palmer’s “Simply Irresistible”. Try it yourselves. I’ve reproduced the lyrics for you below. Hum through and think of Watson as you go. Substitute “she” for “he” etc if you must but really, it’s not that necessary.

It never ceases to amaze me how many rock acts write about future sporting events without knowing it. Songs are written about Watson. Movie lines allude to him. Life imitates art.

I’m admitting myself to a sanatorium.

dongles

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Simply Irresistible

Robert Palmer (1989)

How can it be permissible
She compromised my principle, yeah yeah
That kind of love is mythical
She’s anything but typical

She’s a craze you’d endorse, she’s a powerful force You’re obliged to conform when threes no other course She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
Simply irresistible

Her loving is so powerful, huh
Its simply unavoidable
The trend is irreversible
The woman is invincible

She’s a natural law, and she leaves me in awe She deserves the applause, I surrender because She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
Simply irresistible

Simply irresistible she’s so fine, threes no tellin’ where the money went Simply irresistible she’s all mine, threes no other way to go

She’s unavoidable, I’m backed against the wall She gives me feelings like I never felt before I’m breaking promises, she’s breaking every law She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
She’s so fine, threes no tellin’ where the money went Simply irresistible she’s all mine, threes no other way to Go

Her methods are inscrutable
The proof is irrefutable, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh She’s so completely kissable, huh Our lives are indivisible

She’s a craze you’d endorse, she’s a powerful force You’re obliged to conform when threes no other course She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
Simply irresistible

She’s so fine, threes no tellin’ where the money went Simply irresistible she’s all mine, threes no other way to go She’s so fine, threes no tellin’ where the money went Simply irresistible she’s all mine, threes no other way to go

Simply irresistible